And there it was - gone!!!

So, that's it. It's done, all over for another few weeks until preparations for panto begins.

It's funny because the week of the show is so completely chocker-block-full that the next week seems like a real dead one. From technical rehearsal, to dress, to oap night, the four performances including curries and after show parties and then a hungover set strike (for some) actors, directors and producers seem to have their hands overflowing. Then it all ends. Just like that. Stops.

I don't know about anyone else, but by the time Monday evening comes round I always feel like I'm not somewhere I should be. Plus the fact you get used to spending so much time with the rest of the cast, you miss them. I had thought that one of the other bloggers (yes, bloggers) might have blogged after the show ended it's run, but even Producer Her has been noticeable by her absence.

Anyway, what a show, what a great week of performances, the smell of the crowd and the roar of the greasepaint and all that. And what a reaction from the audience on the last night - it was really great, truly a wonderful experience with a fab cast - gosh, luvvy gushing coming up, brace yourselves! Some of the cast I hadn't been on stage with before and so that was a great new experience for me, I'd never been directed by Director Demon before and I must say I thought he was fantastic (all bias aside) and really brought his vision to life through us (well done monkey!). The witches moved people on a nightly basis, including their director and all in all everything about this run of shows strengthens my faith and belief in the amateur group that we all belong to.

So, in true Assistant Director Demon fashion, here are the things I have learned from this run of shows:

1. Emma and Guy are extremely good at keeping secrets - yet another CAST coupling...
2. Even if you use a handful of wipes to take off stage make up, it'll still mark white sheets
3. Guy has now raised the bar when it comes to catering after show parties, smoked salmon and crayfish tails - indeed!
4. Old people, as well as not driving well, do not know when to shut up!
5. Straw gets everywhere
6. Two bits of wood make good gunshot noises
7. People notice when you wear red nail polish - more than expected
8. Wasps are a pain and hated by everyone
9. Lord Muslington of Kent always makes an appearance when Director Demon has had one or two glasses of wine
10. Blood doesn't come out of sofas no matter how long you scrub it
11. Director Demon and Guy were separated at birth

And so readers, fare thee well and until we meet again...

Nearly there !

Two long set building days later .......

The sweat shop set up again in Room 1 with Calm Woman, Neat Woman, Girl and I all in attendance. Four dresses, aprons, bonnets, collars and cuffs later.....we packed up the sewing machines - at about 7:30pm in time for the tech rehearsal for both plays.

Setman drove all the the way from Milverton on Saturday am to join us for the weekend and help finish the set.

Girl and I both "had faces on" when Emma and Secretary took the beautifully clean, freshly made clothes and distressed them with teabags, mud and fake blood to make them look like we'd been languishing in a prison cell for months.

Producer Him spent the majority of the time asking "how long things would take to be finished?"

Ex Wizard brought down new baby wizard (well, witch actually, I suppose, technically (11 days old, very small and very, very cute).

I had sewing machine overload by the end of the two days and was looking for volunteers for a neck & shoulder massage - none forthcoming within a 200 mile radius. Spoilsports.

Drank far too much tea and ate far too many Haribo, although I did circum to a pint of Strongbow when the sewing was done - It must be show week!!!!!!!

Mad World

Okay, I know it's late but stop moaning at least I've done one!

Extract from an interview at the Health and Safety Executive:

Boss: So you want to work for the HSE eh?

Candidate: Yes. I took some time to do a risk assessment to see which way to come would be the least risky, taking into consideration the traffic conditions, the bus drivers (I questioned them all on how long they'd had their licences, how many accidents they'd had etc), the wind direction (which could have blown grit in my eye and blinded me, sending me into the path of an oncoming bus, driven by a new bus driver who'd had several accidents), the likelihood of a terrorist attack (which is quite high right now), but it all got too much and I had to go back to bed, which I why I telephoned for the interview instead of coming in. Anything could have happened.

Boss: Congratulations - you're hired.

This is what I imagine happens in the crazy world of the Health and Safety person. They must only hire people who are complete pessimists and can see the down side of everything. Isn't there a risk involved in EVERYTHING!?! If we really lived like they want us to we'd never get out of bed in the morning for fear of slipping and breaking an ankle.

Okay, rant over. What happened on Monday? Well it seems like forever ago now, but I'll try to remember best I can.

Director Demon and I arrived to find Matt and Corinne already waiting for us and were joined shortly by Dave. A quick read through followed with everyone speeding through their words and all of us collectively worrying about Emma who normally arrives early. Emma arrived at 9.30pm with cheese scones, which smelled delicious and were quickly demolished by the cast. Guy joined us from his other play and we waited for a bit for Vicky. Director Demon called Chairman (Vicky is Mrs Chairman) to see if there was anything wrong but he was in Glasgow and had no idea. We decided to start without her with me standing in for her, which I did, all the while secretly worrying about her. A little way in, Vicky arrived, to everyone's relief, with a big stress head on. Director Demon sent her off to calm down and then she took my place on stage.

We got to do two complete run throughs and Director Demon is very happy with us all. He says that it's just tweaking now that needs to be done as we're there or thereabouts with everything else.

We took photos for the set, which will add a realistic touch I think and Emma had brought down half her flat to furnish the set with too!

Things of note: Lucia does not get offered a drink at all, whilst the rest of cast are complete lushes, Guy had brought chocolate - again, which I managed (with Guy's help) to resist. There was a time in the world where you just got on with things and didn't quite panic about every consequence.

Things I learned from Monday night:
1. The police want to ask questions about guns
2. The HSE do not want anybody to have any fun - NOT EVER!!!!
3. Dogs don't sit still for photos
4. Emma cooks - a lot
5. Dave CAN do butch - er, or so he says...
6. Producer Geezer (Mort) was in the army once

p.s. Producer Him won't believe I've managed a whole blog without a dig at him - well I have, so there! He obviously could get his own back in his blog...

p.p.s D'OH!!!!

But The Cat Came Back...

Another Sunday, another set build...

Producer Her asked me if I could bring down my sewing machine as Neat woman would not be able to make it with hers, so I became a part of the sweat shop for the day. Apart from a problem with my machine in the beginning, which Director Demon fixed (and was very proud of himself) with the help of a rasp (not sure of the way to spell it but that was what it sounded like), everything went fairly swimmingly. By the end of the day I had sewn two collars, two sets of cuffs (matching of course) and one complete apron. I was a little disappointed actually as I had hoped to start the bonnets as well but everything else was just so flipping fiddly!

Secretary did some ironing without an ironing board but with the help of some green towels and then went off leaving Producer Her and me by ourselves. We did have a little extra help throughout the earlier part of the day, as we had the assistance of a rather cute Tabby who made himself at home with the sewing circle. Once he had made himself at home with us he became rather more difficult to evict - Producer Him ejected the kitty several times for him to just to go round the outside of the building and come back in! Clever kitty! Producer Him was NOT amused. However, I do believe the reason for him staying was the fact that every so often a member of the cast (Box Office, Dave and Corinne) would come in and spend a good 10-15 minutes fussing and cuddling and stroking the thing!!!

Lunch club was it's usual affair with us all eating outside under the gazebo (if you please). Towards the end of lunch we ended up in a game of "I went to the supermarket and I bought...". We started with a apple (not not an apple, a apple), went through Kwite (with a k) big plums, Perambulating Pekinese from Penge (which made me laugh today as I saw a bus heading towards Penge), to Quite Qute cumquats and I made my excuses after Director Demon started his U with umbilical cords...

Back to the sewing again, Producer Her and I had rather a pleasant afternoon shut away in Room 1 by ourselves. Other members of the cast and crew would pop in sporadically to say hello and loiter (I think out of sight of Producer Him who was in the mood to give people jobs!), Vicky came and took up Calm woman's dress, but mostly it was just us.

As myself and Director Demon will not be at set build next week, I offered to take the curtains and sew them for the set. I then (foolishly) offered to bring them down on Sunday if I got them finished, to which Producer Him asked "Do you think you could have them done by Thursday?" So have a guess what I'm going to be doing when I'm not at work or rehearsals...

By the end of the day the set had been painted, dresses had been taken up, collars and cuffs had been produced (and an apron) and everyone was exhausted!

Things I have learned from yesterday:
1. Spontaneous human combustion is scary
2. It's best to look at what you're doing when pinning things together to avoid attaching your finger
3. The majority of the cast like cats
4. Secretary doesn't iron
5. Producer Him doesn't fancy the idea of painted cat footprints all over the place
6. Director Witch has been fire-proofed, but not all over

Thing I learned on Thursday but forgot to mention:
1. Several of the cast do great monkey impressions

Ooo Shut That Door!

So last night we had to be down early for Director Demon and Director Witch to have the press photo taken. Neither Director wants the cast to be photographed (and no, it's not because we'd scare people off) it's so we don't give anything away about the plots and action of the plays. I had some fake blood left over from when I went to a Halloween party as a car crash victim (another story, but it was inspired - trust me) so that came with us to add some gore to the proceedings. HOW WAS I TO KNOW IT STAINS THE SKIN?!!!! Director Demon wasn't too happy when he discovered, that despite washing them twice, he still had clearly visible red streaks all over his hands. God know what Secretary thought when Director Witch got home!?! Luckily it's come off now... Mort took the pictures, he's very good at that sort of thing - apparently (I don't think we should ask too many questions).

Producer Her has been working very hard on the costumes for her show and last night proceeded to stick pins in Calm Woman under the ruse of making sure it fit, I think she just likes sticking pins in people myself... Vicky arrived with three doggies (including puppy) who were a little damp and proceeded to make a Maypole with their leads (very pretty) until Chairman decided it was time to go and Emma, Corinne and I took a doggie each out the the car. Everyone loves the doggies.

Dave, Corinne and Guy dressed the part tonight and Director Demon was pleased with their outfits, Vicky and Matt are going to bring theirs down on Monday and Director Demon and I are going out at the weekend to look for something for me, so costumes for our show are well in hand. As a note to the readers, Guy actually doesn't scrub up bad, I can't see why he doesn't have a girlie - any offers - especially as he brings chocolate to rehearsals, I mean, come on girls?

Two full run throughs last night - woo hoo! Not much prompting to be had either, even though I was concentrating very hard on the script and not watching the show itself! Everyone had their "stage discipline" head on (except Dave who did a "snotty laugh" backstage over an incident with set wobble).

Things of Note: There are still parts that make everyone jump, including some banging on a door which made me jump out of my skin (and I knew full well it was coming!). Dave took much smaller measures tonight and Emma fancied lager instead of red wine. Everyone has to remember to "put wood in t'hole"!

Things I have learned from last night:
1. Cheap fake blood which cost £2.99 stains your hands
2. Producer Him wants to be a Producer (!)
3. Corinne used to be a Pagan
4. I don't like lime and soda, regardless of how many other people in the cast drink it
5. To get liquid out of bottles, you must first remove the lid
6. Director Demon can break stuff at 50 paces...

Curves!

Learning Curves!!!!! - It sounds easy doesn’t it – just four costumes to actually make for a summer show. How wrong can you be. The dresses are full length matt coloured in black, dark bue, light blue and brown. They all have white long, waist tied aprons to go with them, large white collars and white cuffs and are of an early American "colonial" style.

Girl came round last Saturday afternoon and having devoured hot rotisserie chicken rolls we proceeded to cut out the pattern parts for two complete dresses for her and Calm Woman together with aprons, collars and cuffs to the strains of Bon Jovi and Nickelback. Girl has good taste in music.That or I have an equally poor taste. This meant that we were then way ahead for the first Sunday setbuild.

On Sunday am Neat Woman, Girl and I set up the "Witches Sweat Shop" in R1 at the hall whilst the boys turned their attentions to the set. Neat and I measured ourselves to work out what size to cut the pattern for our own dresses and only then did it become apparent that the sizes were less than generous. At that point Neat made the decision to start sewing my dress and I to work on Girl's dress so that at least they could be fitted to us as we were working. While all this was going on, Girl was industriously cutting out the remaining collars, cuffs and aprons. For someone who’s never done any dressmaking in her life, she’s doing a sterling job, especially as a "leftie" battling with "normal" scissors.

By 5:30pm we are all exhausted – no wonder Lucia thought I looked bad – I felt it!!!! In the midst of this both Neat and I had decided that the instructions were less than adequate. We'd both also had sleeve issues. There’s a dart on the elbow, one one side only. Neat managed to sew hers on the shorter side so the seams didn’t match. I managed to sew both of mine on the same side for both sleeves and had two LHS sleeves instead of one left and one right.

Lucia (Asst. Director Demon) joined us in the afternoon. After making several cups of tea to keep us sane she came and cut out all the interfacing. This coming Sunday, Neat is away for the weekend so Lucia will be bringing her sewing machine and has been nominated (in her absence) to make a start on the aprons, collars and cuffs ready for us to complete the dresses. Mrs Director Witch has been asked to bring her ironing board down for the interfacing.

Neat has just emailed me this morning. We had both set aside last night to sew and get the dresses to a trying on stage and we both had the same "issues". Gathering threads on the skirts snapping whilst working, pinning the right side of fabric to the wrong side so the seams are on the inside on the top and the outside on the bottom etc etc

I’ve said before that the cast would probably be very worried if they realised just how inexperienced I am at sewing and how much I fly by the seat of my pants. Well guys; this time I’ve managed to learn how to do darts, set sleeves, use interfacing and gather something bigger than an apron. Tonight I’m getting a zip masterclass from Neat!!!!!

Unsurprisingly – There’s still a lot to do.

Surprisingly – No one has moaned about having their costume made out of sheets from Matalan.

Very surprisingly – Everyone still has complete faith in me (I think!!!)

Thank god for Neat Woman !!!

PS. For the boys benefit…. Unlike Forum, I would like to hearby announce officially that the girls will all be sporting matching collars and cuffs for this show!!!!!

Prop tastic

Why is it when you introduce props and a proper set everything else goes out the window? Last night we had our set for the first time, which was nice - and bigger than expected (which is always a pleasant surprise). We only have two doors instead of three which again caused some confusion when people are supposed to be off and then come on through a different door but there isn't a door er.. Anyway, Guy was hitting the drugs big time (prescription ones only of course) as he has to have root canal work and a wisdom tooth out - ouch!!!! But once they'd kicked in got down to it and mastered the two pages that were giving him the most grief!

Dave was late to rehearsal last night and so I read in for him, but I kept getting caught up in the action and forgetting that I was supposed to be reading his lines - until someone shouted "Dave!" at me. It's great as the show is really engrossing and I know what's happening!

Director Demon has asked for us to prepare costumes for Thursday's rehearsal and to have words pretty much there as we might not have a prompt as both Producer Him and Producer Her are flat out now er, producing stuff. But whatever you do DO NOT upset Producer Him - as I said before, he's given up smoking and is a little tetchy... Have I told you lately how much I love your pencil case? And you really are terrific you know...

Things I learnt last night:
1. Director Demon is starting a murder exchange programme for serial killers
2. Water is very wet
3. Dave likes larger measures
4. Doors can be confusing
5. The Madman and the Nun is a real book
6. Guy doesn't like dentists

Monday, Monday, la la, la la la la

It's rare that I have a weekend as packed as this one just gone and the result is that I am really very tired today. Aaah, poor me... I am guessing that there are several witches and Demons in the same boat. Producer Her looked exhausted by the time we left her last night and I think that being in the show as well as making costumes and producing is taking its toll on her. Early night tonight me thinks Producer Her!!!

Director Demon and I were overnight in London on Saturday to see Andy Williams (whose nearly 80!) at the Royal Albert Hall (which was superb) with his mum (Director Demon's not Andy Williams mum). We planned to be up early and out of the hotel in time to catch the 10.30am train from Waterloo to pick up the car and be at the hall for 12pm. What was it Robbie Burns said about mice making plans again? Hmm, well, we didn't anticipate the traffic being at a standstill along Park Lane, or the 10km run taking place over Westminster Bridge preventing people (and taxi's) crossing the bridge to get to Waterloo station. By the time we arrived our next train was the 11.09, so we were a little later than expected, arriving at the hall at around 1pm. I know this sounds like a pathetic excuse but it's the truth - honest guv.

Anyway, we arrived so find everyone sitting down having lunch - what better time to arrive?!? Char lady and the lunch club monitors had prepared their usual feast. After lunch everyone got back to it, the boys playing with power tools and generally being rude, Producer Her, Neat Woman and Girl running a sweat shop in one of the rooms and others generally loitering waiting to be given a job to do. Producer Him has given up smoking and was brandishing a gun for most of the day - I'd better not upset him in this blog then...

Towards the end of the day the Demons got together for a word run through with Char lady standing in for Vicky. Guy got through page 16 - a breakthrough - and most of page 34, but seemed to forget everything else (he did have a toothache and looked like he'd been up all night, but not in a good way).

There followed a production meeting, which I also attended as I am Director Demon's chauffeur at present. Chairman also arrived and added his own unique helpfulness to the proceedings. Director Witch, Chairman, Director Demon and I then went for something to eat and the three of them proceeded to make the waitress blush by talking about a particular way of roasting... See what I mean about dirty minds...

Things of note:
There was some extremely bad language going on throughout the day and into the evening, I won't say who was the worst - they know who they are - and the actions to go with the words were particularly unnecessary... The majority of cast and crew have extremely dirty minds, the double entrendres flying around yesterday...

Things I have learnt from yesterday:
1. Director Witch was born moist.
2. The George stop serving food at 4pm on a Sunday
3. Straw is flammable
4. I now know what a GOBO is
5. When deciding on hay it's best to take a straw poll
6. The lighting person has to be "spot on"
7. Ice buckets are cool