Mad World

Okay, I know it's late but stop moaning at least I've done one!

Extract from an interview at the Health and Safety Executive:

Boss: So you want to work for the HSE eh?

Candidate: Yes. I took some time to do a risk assessment to see which way to come would be the least risky, taking into consideration the traffic conditions, the bus drivers (I questioned them all on how long they'd had their licences, how many accidents they'd had etc), the wind direction (which could have blown grit in my eye and blinded me, sending me into the path of an oncoming bus, driven by a new bus driver who'd had several accidents), the likelihood of a terrorist attack (which is quite high right now), but it all got too much and I had to go back to bed, which I why I telephoned for the interview instead of coming in. Anything could have happened.

Boss: Congratulations - you're hired.

This is what I imagine happens in the crazy world of the Health and Safety person. They must only hire people who are complete pessimists and can see the down side of everything. Isn't there a risk involved in EVERYTHING!?! If we really lived like they want us to we'd never get out of bed in the morning for fear of slipping and breaking an ankle.

Okay, rant over. What happened on Monday? Well it seems like forever ago now, but I'll try to remember best I can.

Director Demon and I arrived to find Matt and Corinne already waiting for us and were joined shortly by Dave. A quick read through followed with everyone speeding through their words and all of us collectively worrying about Emma who normally arrives early. Emma arrived at 9.30pm with cheese scones, which smelled delicious and were quickly demolished by the cast. Guy joined us from his other play and we waited for a bit for Vicky. Director Demon called Chairman (Vicky is Mrs Chairman) to see if there was anything wrong but he was in Glasgow and had no idea. We decided to start without her with me standing in for her, which I did, all the while secretly worrying about her. A little way in, Vicky arrived, to everyone's relief, with a big stress head on. Director Demon sent her off to calm down and then she took my place on stage.

We got to do two complete run throughs and Director Demon is very happy with us all. He says that it's just tweaking now that needs to be done as we're there or thereabouts with everything else.

We took photos for the set, which will add a realistic touch I think and Emma had brought down half her flat to furnish the set with too!

Things of note: Lucia does not get offered a drink at all, whilst the rest of cast are complete lushes, Guy had brought chocolate - again, which I managed (with Guy's help) to resist. There was a time in the world where you just got on with things and didn't quite panic about every consequence.

Things I learned from Monday night:
1. The police want to ask questions about guns
2. The HSE do not want anybody to have any fun - NOT EVER!!!!
3. Dogs don't sit still for photos
4. Emma cooks - a lot
5. Dave CAN do butch - er, or so he says...
6. Producer Geezer (Mort) was in the army once

p.s. Producer Him won't believe I've managed a whole blog without a dig at him - well I have, so there! He obviously could get his own back in his blog...

p.p.s D'OH!!!!