And there it was - gone!!!

So, that's it. It's done, all over for another few weeks until preparations for panto begins.

It's funny because the week of the show is so completely chocker-block-full that the next week seems like a real dead one. From technical rehearsal, to dress, to oap night, the four performances including curries and after show parties and then a hungover set strike (for some) actors, directors and producers seem to have their hands overflowing. Then it all ends. Just like that. Stops.

I don't know about anyone else, but by the time Monday evening comes round I always feel like I'm not somewhere I should be. Plus the fact you get used to spending so much time with the rest of the cast, you miss them. I had thought that one of the other bloggers (yes, bloggers) might have blogged after the show ended it's run, but even Producer Her has been noticeable by her absence.

Anyway, what a show, what a great week of performances, the smell of the crowd and the roar of the greasepaint and all that. And what a reaction from the audience on the last night - it was really great, truly a wonderful experience with a fab cast - gosh, luvvy gushing coming up, brace yourselves! Some of the cast I hadn't been on stage with before and so that was a great new experience for me, I'd never been directed by Director Demon before and I must say I thought he was fantastic (all bias aside) and really brought his vision to life through us (well done monkey!). The witches moved people on a nightly basis, including their director and all in all everything about this run of shows strengthens my faith and belief in the amateur group that we all belong to.

So, in true Assistant Director Demon fashion, here are the things I have learned from this run of shows:

1. Emma and Guy are extremely good at keeping secrets - yet another CAST coupling...
2. Even if you use a handful of wipes to take off stage make up, it'll still mark white sheets
3. Guy has now raised the bar when it comes to catering after show parties, smoked salmon and crayfish tails - indeed!
4. Old people, as well as not driving well, do not know when to shut up!
5. Straw gets everywhere
6. Two bits of wood make good gunshot noises
7. People notice when you wear red nail polish - more than expected
8. Wasps are a pain and hated by everyone
9. Lord Muslington of Kent always makes an appearance when Director Demon has had one or two glasses of wine
10. Blood doesn't come out of sofas no matter how long you scrub it
11. Director Demon and Guy were separated at birth

And so readers, fare thee well and until we meet again...

Nearly there !

Two long set building days later .......

The sweat shop set up again in Room 1 with Calm Woman, Neat Woman, Girl and I all in attendance. Four dresses, aprons, bonnets, collars and cuffs later.....we packed up the sewing machines - at about 7:30pm in time for the tech rehearsal for both plays.

Setman drove all the the way from Milverton on Saturday am to join us for the weekend and help finish the set.

Girl and I both "had faces on" when Emma and Secretary took the beautifully clean, freshly made clothes and distressed them with teabags, mud and fake blood to make them look like we'd been languishing in a prison cell for months.

Producer Him spent the majority of the time asking "how long things would take to be finished?"

Ex Wizard brought down new baby wizard (well, witch actually, I suppose, technically (11 days old, very small and very, very cute).

I had sewing machine overload by the end of the two days and was looking for volunteers for a neck & shoulder massage - none forthcoming within a 200 mile radius. Spoilsports.

Drank far too much tea and ate far too many Haribo, although I did circum to a pint of Strongbow when the sewing was done - It must be show week!!!!!!!

Mad World

Okay, I know it's late but stop moaning at least I've done one!

Extract from an interview at the Health and Safety Executive:

Boss: So you want to work for the HSE eh?

Candidate: Yes. I took some time to do a risk assessment to see which way to come would be the least risky, taking into consideration the traffic conditions, the bus drivers (I questioned them all on how long they'd had their licences, how many accidents they'd had etc), the wind direction (which could have blown grit in my eye and blinded me, sending me into the path of an oncoming bus, driven by a new bus driver who'd had several accidents), the likelihood of a terrorist attack (which is quite high right now), but it all got too much and I had to go back to bed, which I why I telephoned for the interview instead of coming in. Anything could have happened.

Boss: Congratulations - you're hired.

This is what I imagine happens in the crazy world of the Health and Safety person. They must only hire people who are complete pessimists and can see the down side of everything. Isn't there a risk involved in EVERYTHING!?! If we really lived like they want us to we'd never get out of bed in the morning for fear of slipping and breaking an ankle.

Okay, rant over. What happened on Monday? Well it seems like forever ago now, but I'll try to remember best I can.

Director Demon and I arrived to find Matt and Corinne already waiting for us and were joined shortly by Dave. A quick read through followed with everyone speeding through their words and all of us collectively worrying about Emma who normally arrives early. Emma arrived at 9.30pm with cheese scones, which smelled delicious and were quickly demolished by the cast. Guy joined us from his other play and we waited for a bit for Vicky. Director Demon called Chairman (Vicky is Mrs Chairman) to see if there was anything wrong but he was in Glasgow and had no idea. We decided to start without her with me standing in for her, which I did, all the while secretly worrying about her. A little way in, Vicky arrived, to everyone's relief, with a big stress head on. Director Demon sent her off to calm down and then she took my place on stage.

We got to do two complete run throughs and Director Demon is very happy with us all. He says that it's just tweaking now that needs to be done as we're there or thereabouts with everything else.

We took photos for the set, which will add a realistic touch I think and Emma had brought down half her flat to furnish the set with too!

Things of note: Lucia does not get offered a drink at all, whilst the rest of cast are complete lushes, Guy had brought chocolate - again, which I managed (with Guy's help) to resist. There was a time in the world where you just got on with things and didn't quite panic about every consequence.

Things I learned from Monday night:
1. The police want to ask questions about guns
2. The HSE do not want anybody to have any fun - NOT EVER!!!!
3. Dogs don't sit still for photos
4. Emma cooks - a lot
5. Dave CAN do butch - er, or so he says...
6. Producer Geezer (Mort) was in the army once

p.s. Producer Him won't believe I've managed a whole blog without a dig at him - well I have, so there! He obviously could get his own back in his blog...

p.p.s D'OH!!!!

But The Cat Came Back...

Another Sunday, another set build...

Producer Her asked me if I could bring down my sewing machine as Neat woman would not be able to make it with hers, so I became a part of the sweat shop for the day. Apart from a problem with my machine in the beginning, which Director Demon fixed (and was very proud of himself) with the help of a rasp (not sure of the way to spell it but that was what it sounded like), everything went fairly swimmingly. By the end of the day I had sewn two collars, two sets of cuffs (matching of course) and one complete apron. I was a little disappointed actually as I had hoped to start the bonnets as well but everything else was just so flipping fiddly!

Secretary did some ironing without an ironing board but with the help of some green towels and then went off leaving Producer Her and me by ourselves. We did have a little extra help throughout the earlier part of the day, as we had the assistance of a rather cute Tabby who made himself at home with the sewing circle. Once he had made himself at home with us he became rather more difficult to evict - Producer Him ejected the kitty several times for him to just to go round the outside of the building and come back in! Clever kitty! Producer Him was NOT amused. However, I do believe the reason for him staying was the fact that every so often a member of the cast (Box Office, Dave and Corinne) would come in and spend a good 10-15 minutes fussing and cuddling and stroking the thing!!!

Lunch club was it's usual affair with us all eating outside under the gazebo (if you please). Towards the end of lunch we ended up in a game of "I went to the supermarket and I bought...". We started with a apple (not not an apple, a apple), went through Kwite (with a k) big plums, Perambulating Pekinese from Penge (which made me laugh today as I saw a bus heading towards Penge), to Quite Qute cumquats and I made my excuses after Director Demon started his U with umbilical cords...

Back to the sewing again, Producer Her and I had rather a pleasant afternoon shut away in Room 1 by ourselves. Other members of the cast and crew would pop in sporadically to say hello and loiter (I think out of sight of Producer Him who was in the mood to give people jobs!), Vicky came and took up Calm woman's dress, but mostly it was just us.

As myself and Director Demon will not be at set build next week, I offered to take the curtains and sew them for the set. I then (foolishly) offered to bring them down on Sunday if I got them finished, to which Producer Him asked "Do you think you could have them done by Thursday?" So have a guess what I'm going to be doing when I'm not at work or rehearsals...

By the end of the day the set had been painted, dresses had been taken up, collars and cuffs had been produced (and an apron) and everyone was exhausted!

Things I have learned from yesterday:
1. Spontaneous human combustion is scary
2. It's best to look at what you're doing when pinning things together to avoid attaching your finger
3. The majority of the cast like cats
4. Secretary doesn't iron
5. Producer Him doesn't fancy the idea of painted cat footprints all over the place
6. Director Witch has been fire-proofed, but not all over

Thing I learned on Thursday but forgot to mention:
1. Several of the cast do great monkey impressions

Ooo Shut That Door!

So last night we had to be down early for Director Demon and Director Witch to have the press photo taken. Neither Director wants the cast to be photographed (and no, it's not because we'd scare people off) it's so we don't give anything away about the plots and action of the plays. I had some fake blood left over from when I went to a Halloween party as a car crash victim (another story, but it was inspired - trust me) so that came with us to add some gore to the proceedings. HOW WAS I TO KNOW IT STAINS THE SKIN?!!!! Director Demon wasn't too happy when he discovered, that despite washing them twice, he still had clearly visible red streaks all over his hands. God know what Secretary thought when Director Witch got home!?! Luckily it's come off now... Mort took the pictures, he's very good at that sort of thing - apparently (I don't think we should ask too many questions).

Producer Her has been working very hard on the costumes for her show and last night proceeded to stick pins in Calm Woman under the ruse of making sure it fit, I think she just likes sticking pins in people myself... Vicky arrived with three doggies (including puppy) who were a little damp and proceeded to make a Maypole with their leads (very pretty) until Chairman decided it was time to go and Emma, Corinne and I took a doggie each out the the car. Everyone loves the doggies.

Dave, Corinne and Guy dressed the part tonight and Director Demon was pleased with their outfits, Vicky and Matt are going to bring theirs down on Monday and Director Demon and I are going out at the weekend to look for something for me, so costumes for our show are well in hand. As a note to the readers, Guy actually doesn't scrub up bad, I can't see why he doesn't have a girlie - any offers - especially as he brings chocolate to rehearsals, I mean, come on girls?

Two full run throughs last night - woo hoo! Not much prompting to be had either, even though I was concentrating very hard on the script and not watching the show itself! Everyone had their "stage discipline" head on (except Dave who did a "snotty laugh" backstage over an incident with set wobble).

Things of Note: There are still parts that make everyone jump, including some banging on a door which made me jump out of my skin (and I knew full well it was coming!). Dave took much smaller measures tonight and Emma fancied lager instead of red wine. Everyone has to remember to "put wood in t'hole"!

Things I have learned from last night:
1. Cheap fake blood which cost £2.99 stains your hands
2. Producer Him wants to be a Producer (!)
3. Corinne used to be a Pagan
4. I don't like lime and soda, regardless of how many other people in the cast drink it
5. To get liquid out of bottles, you must first remove the lid
6. Director Demon can break stuff at 50 paces...

Curves!

Learning Curves!!!!! - It sounds easy doesn’t it – just four costumes to actually make for a summer show. How wrong can you be. The dresses are full length matt coloured in black, dark bue, light blue and brown. They all have white long, waist tied aprons to go with them, large white collars and white cuffs and are of an early American "colonial" style.

Girl came round last Saturday afternoon and having devoured hot rotisserie chicken rolls we proceeded to cut out the pattern parts for two complete dresses for her and Calm Woman together with aprons, collars and cuffs to the strains of Bon Jovi and Nickelback. Girl has good taste in music.That or I have an equally poor taste. This meant that we were then way ahead for the first Sunday setbuild.

On Sunday am Neat Woman, Girl and I set up the "Witches Sweat Shop" in R1 at the hall whilst the boys turned their attentions to the set. Neat and I measured ourselves to work out what size to cut the pattern for our own dresses and only then did it become apparent that the sizes were less than generous. At that point Neat made the decision to start sewing my dress and I to work on Girl's dress so that at least they could be fitted to us as we were working. While all this was going on, Girl was industriously cutting out the remaining collars, cuffs and aprons. For someone who’s never done any dressmaking in her life, she’s doing a sterling job, especially as a "leftie" battling with "normal" scissors.

By 5:30pm we are all exhausted – no wonder Lucia thought I looked bad – I felt it!!!! In the midst of this both Neat and I had decided that the instructions were less than adequate. We'd both also had sleeve issues. There’s a dart on the elbow, one one side only. Neat managed to sew hers on the shorter side so the seams didn’t match. I managed to sew both of mine on the same side for both sleeves and had two LHS sleeves instead of one left and one right.

Lucia (Asst. Director Demon) joined us in the afternoon. After making several cups of tea to keep us sane she came and cut out all the interfacing. This coming Sunday, Neat is away for the weekend so Lucia will be bringing her sewing machine and has been nominated (in her absence) to make a start on the aprons, collars and cuffs ready for us to complete the dresses. Mrs Director Witch has been asked to bring her ironing board down for the interfacing.

Neat has just emailed me this morning. We had both set aside last night to sew and get the dresses to a trying on stage and we both had the same "issues". Gathering threads on the skirts snapping whilst working, pinning the right side of fabric to the wrong side so the seams are on the inside on the top and the outside on the bottom etc etc

I’ve said before that the cast would probably be very worried if they realised just how inexperienced I am at sewing and how much I fly by the seat of my pants. Well guys; this time I’ve managed to learn how to do darts, set sleeves, use interfacing and gather something bigger than an apron. Tonight I’m getting a zip masterclass from Neat!!!!!

Unsurprisingly – There’s still a lot to do.

Surprisingly – No one has moaned about having their costume made out of sheets from Matalan.

Very surprisingly – Everyone still has complete faith in me (I think!!!)

Thank god for Neat Woman !!!

PS. For the boys benefit…. Unlike Forum, I would like to hearby announce officially that the girls will all be sporting matching collars and cuffs for this show!!!!!

Prop tastic

Why is it when you introduce props and a proper set everything else goes out the window? Last night we had our set for the first time, which was nice - and bigger than expected (which is always a pleasant surprise). We only have two doors instead of three which again caused some confusion when people are supposed to be off and then come on through a different door but there isn't a door er.. Anyway, Guy was hitting the drugs big time (prescription ones only of course) as he has to have root canal work and a wisdom tooth out - ouch!!!! But once they'd kicked in got down to it and mastered the two pages that were giving him the most grief!

Dave was late to rehearsal last night and so I read in for him, but I kept getting caught up in the action and forgetting that I was supposed to be reading his lines - until someone shouted "Dave!" at me. It's great as the show is really engrossing and I know what's happening!

Director Demon has asked for us to prepare costumes for Thursday's rehearsal and to have words pretty much there as we might not have a prompt as both Producer Him and Producer Her are flat out now er, producing stuff. But whatever you do DO NOT upset Producer Him - as I said before, he's given up smoking and is a little tetchy... Have I told you lately how much I love your pencil case? And you really are terrific you know...

Things I learnt last night:
1. Director Demon is starting a murder exchange programme for serial killers
2. Water is very wet
3. Dave likes larger measures
4. Doors can be confusing
5. The Madman and the Nun is a real book
6. Guy doesn't like dentists

Monday, Monday, la la, la la la la

It's rare that I have a weekend as packed as this one just gone and the result is that I am really very tired today. Aaah, poor me... I am guessing that there are several witches and Demons in the same boat. Producer Her looked exhausted by the time we left her last night and I think that being in the show as well as making costumes and producing is taking its toll on her. Early night tonight me thinks Producer Her!!!

Director Demon and I were overnight in London on Saturday to see Andy Williams (whose nearly 80!) at the Royal Albert Hall (which was superb) with his mum (Director Demon's not Andy Williams mum). We planned to be up early and out of the hotel in time to catch the 10.30am train from Waterloo to pick up the car and be at the hall for 12pm. What was it Robbie Burns said about mice making plans again? Hmm, well, we didn't anticipate the traffic being at a standstill along Park Lane, or the 10km run taking place over Westminster Bridge preventing people (and taxi's) crossing the bridge to get to Waterloo station. By the time we arrived our next train was the 11.09, so we were a little later than expected, arriving at the hall at around 1pm. I know this sounds like a pathetic excuse but it's the truth - honest guv.

Anyway, we arrived so find everyone sitting down having lunch - what better time to arrive?!? Char lady and the lunch club monitors had prepared their usual feast. After lunch everyone got back to it, the boys playing with power tools and generally being rude, Producer Her, Neat Woman and Girl running a sweat shop in one of the rooms and others generally loitering waiting to be given a job to do. Producer Him has given up smoking and was brandishing a gun for most of the day - I'd better not upset him in this blog then...

Towards the end of the day the Demons got together for a word run through with Char lady standing in for Vicky. Guy got through page 16 - a breakthrough - and most of page 34, but seemed to forget everything else (he did have a toothache and looked like he'd been up all night, but not in a good way).

There followed a production meeting, which I also attended as I am Director Demon's chauffeur at present. Chairman also arrived and added his own unique helpfulness to the proceedings. Director Witch, Chairman, Director Demon and I then went for something to eat and the three of them proceeded to make the waitress blush by talking about a particular way of roasting... See what I mean about dirty minds...

Things of note:
There was some extremely bad language going on throughout the day and into the evening, I won't say who was the worst - they know who they are - and the actions to go with the words were particularly unnecessary... The majority of cast and crew have extremely dirty minds, the double entrendres flying around yesterday...

Things I have learnt from yesterday:
1. Director Witch was born moist.
2. The George stop serving food at 4pm on a Sunday
3. Straw is flammable
4. I now know what a GOBO is
5. When deciding on hay it's best to take a straw poll
6. The lighting person has to be "spot on"
7. Ice buckets are cool

Bondage!

Yep - that got your attention - didn't it !!!!!

Following on from Asst Director Demon's post earlier today, I thought I'd better fill everyone in on what's been happening with the AMBD rehearsals. Well.....

I walked into the main hall having finished the CAST Academy meeting to find Boy, Girl, Man, Calm Woman and Neat Woman all tieing each other up and Neat Woman brandishing a spare tie, just for me. Lucky me. We then spent the next hour and a half with our hands tied at 6/8 inch distance apart, delivering the script to get us into the mindset of wearing shackles/manacles (no fluffy handcuffs in this show - it's not panto. Shame).

Director Witch stopped the script at one point as he was really worried that Girl had seriously hurt herself from the look on her face. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realised she was genuinely acting being hurt!!!!

At one point everyone had the hairs standing up on the back of their necks during the rehearsal and the atmosphere was "strange" Director Witch even stopped writing notes on what we were doing wrong - so we MUST have been doing it right!!!!!

Things that I learnt last night....

1. Man doesn't know his own strength. Girl learnt this too.
2. It is possible to pinch someone's backside with your hands tied and they happen to be in the way and you need them to move :-)
3. Girl can really act. Director Witch was fooled.
4. There are far too many clouds and moons in this show.
5. Walking round in cirles makes you very dizzy.

That Friday Feeling...

So, here I am - as promised, filing another report. I told you I'd be better, but you didn't believe it did you? Well, there you go

Some of the cast arrived early last night to do a read through to once again push those lines into our brains, even Vicky managed to arrive early and scoff some dinner whilst running lines so some were quite muffled... Obviously Guy was rehearsing for his "other" show so we were without him and Corrinne arrived later as she doesn't finish work until 8 and then has to get there...

Director Demon reminded us that there were just 5 rehearsals left (including last nights) and so wanted to run through, with Producer Him prompting and Director Demon stopping us on the way. I got to sit down with Producer Him for a bit at the beginning, lucky for him I did really as for some reason he can't follow a script (not a good quality for a prompt really!?!). - I'm just kidding PH - stay in your pencil case... And we also got a look from Director Demon so we must stop talking and laughing when Director Demon is talking, bad children. It did feel like being at school, especially when we had a grammar lesson halfway through the rehearsal as well.

Last night was a much improved run through from Monday night, words need to be much tighter but even now, there are some things that Director Demon wants to amend, all for the good of the production of course dahling...

Sunday during the day is set build day, with mainly set construction happening and leaflet delivering (let's hope we get a break in the weather), lunch club and a production meeting later on, which will take place at the same time as the Demons will be getting together for a wee (am) dram and more word rehearsing.

Things I have learned from last night:
1. Just one Hula Hoop can make you want a whole bag, but not enough to drive to the garage.
2. Dave leers.
3. Producer Him not only has every colour of pencil under the sun, but has lots of different coloured pens too.
4. I did learn a new word for the front of the stage but I can't remember it now.
5. Guns are a health and safety risk.
6. Everyone drinks Lime and Soda - except me and Producer Him who's a lager lout

Please forgive me...

Forgive me readers, for I have been remiss, it's been four weeks since my last blog... And - quite a lot has happened since then so there is no excuse (well apart from, my dog ate it, I left it on the bus and actually I have been particularly busy at work).

So, where to start?

Well, as there hasn't been a blog from The Demon side of things since May, I should catch up from there... Oh, I am struggling to remember what's been happening so I'll just bring you bang up to date!

We've had four Monday night rehearsals and and extra read though, line learning one, at Vicky's house where we all met Boomer for the first time, man, that's one cute puppy. Matt became Boomers best friend that night although Boomer was interested in a little more than Matt wanted to give... Chairman read in for a couple of people who couldn't make it including Corinne and was quite good at being a girl - do we have a future Dame in the making here?

Two weeks ago yesterday Lucia had to withdraw from the show, which I know she was very disappointed about and Director Demon asked me to step in as I had auditioned for the part anyway and knew the show. So now I am back in the show as Lucia and luckily I have been able to get the lines pretty much down, much listening on the ipod and Director Demon has been going through the lines with me (one of the benefits of living with the Director), which is good.

Last night, the cast (well, Matt, Emma, Corrinne, Guy, Director Demon and Lucia) gathered at Director Demon's house to run through lines. Emma made a quiche using corned beef instead of pastry and some lovely pesto pasta, Director Demon made a salad (which Emma couldn't eat as there was mushroom in it, although she doesn't like tomato or cucumber (which was also in it) so missed out on lettuce and spring onion!), we know for next time and Matt brought ice cream - good call Matt!

The lines read through was good, no-one had scripts at all and a couple of us have come away with some homework (that's what you get when Director Demon is also in attendance) and we also got the feedback from Monday's rehearsal which was good and very constructive.

What I have learned from the last four weeks:
1. It's weird when one of the cast calls you on the phone and you are listening to them in the other ear on your ipod.
2. Elemental is NOT just an album by Tears For Fears
3. Emma is very fussy about what she can or can't eat (although she did nearly choke me with chilli's at the last read through and I did pick the peppers out of both her lasagne and the quiche).
4. Guy is Switzerland.
5. Moo Moo's are very funny.
6. Emma spends her day off cooking.
7. You can't rely on Producer Him to post a blog when you don't get to

I hereby promise to keep you all up to date with what's going on with rehearsals. No, really I will

Memories ....

are funny things. Take last night's AMBD rehearsal for instance...

The cast sat round in the bar trying to wade their way through the script without the lines in front of them. Very difficult. Personally, learning the lines for this show has been a struggle. The "conversation" doesn't flow very naturally and the sentences are short and stilted.

Producer Him has delivered a unique form of sign language to remind people of their lines. Man had a blank last night on one of his longer speeches and Him was trying to get Man to remember it. At one point we had an 80's pop star (Divine) holding a set of scales (justice) and a last testament (will) Hmmmmm!

It would be fair to say that there were a fair few additional words added to the script by everyone and most of them were four letter long expletives when their minds went blank.

One month today is the Sunday set STRIKE! and it will all be over.
Does that statement scare anyone?

Happiness is ....

very definitely a warm puppy.

I got to cuddle Boomer last night whilst Vicky was rehearsing. He is just gorgeous! After deciding that I needed my ears washing several times and a lot of yelping he settled down and slept on my lap. Sooo cute.

I'll leave Asst. Director Demon to do a rehearsal update as I was otherwise engaged but all seems to be going well.

Other than that, the CAST Academy team had a planning meeting in the bar about the next show which the children will be doing.

Things I learnt last night;

1). Producer Him is allergic to his diary !!!!
2). The website is very out of date. Oops.
3). We need to sell lots of tickets, quickly.
4). Timer is running out. Far, far too fast
5). Him has found manacles


Lyric of the Blog: "and they called it puppy love" Donny Osmond

AMBD Rehearsal Thursday 14th June

Last night was a night for;

Line learning. Otherwise known as "scripts on the table, lets see how much we don't yet know".

Accent improving.

On Sunday afternoon some of the witches got together to watch The Crucible. Hard going or what. As a result of watching the film we decided to alter our accents slightly from Bostonian to English/just arrived in the US and picking up the lingo. As a result, by the third read through of the night, the accents were all much improved and far more natural than they have been.

Stuff learned last night (pinched from Asst. Director Demon)

1). The vicars daughter keeps forgetting the Lords Prayer. Is she getting tongue tied, can't she concentrate with the shouting going on - or is the essence of the play taking hold. Hmmmm.
2). Birds can throw their voices and sound as if they are coming from inside the hall when they clearly aren't.
3). Tabby cats are very nosey.
4). Her has a bird at the bottom of the garden that sings "remember you're a womble".
5). Director Witch likes egg far too much.
6). I remembered the words (most of them) just not necessarily where they fit into the script. Not very helpful.
7). Blue plastic trays breed like rabbits.

Sofa famines and gluts

Producer Him sent out an email last week asking if by any chance anyone had a two seater sofa and some chairs we could borrow for Demons. No replies. Nothing. Zilch. For days. Still nothing. So Him and I went out on Saturday. I needed fabric for costumes. Him wanted to look for plastic glasses and we needed a sofa.

Forgive me Setman for I have sinned - I went car booting with someone else!!!!

Him and I "did" the Denham car boot sale and then went to the local furniture and electrical charity shop in search of sofas that will a) fit on the stage and more importantly b) fit in the wings for the first act. Nothing.

BUT - I had casually asked a lady from a house clearance firm at the boot sale if they had any suitable sofas. Worryingly she instantly recognised me from having purchased a bureau from her 18 months ago for Treasure Island. Anyway. Him and I have had an invite to be shown around their warehouse on Wednesday evening.

If we find anything suitable then we have the option to buy or if we like we can RENT it from them!!!!! This is just fanmtastic as it means I don't then have to try to sell the offending items on EBay afterwards or incur the inevitable stream of freindly abuse from Director Witch regarding my EBay habits.

Mrs House Clearence has also offered to have a list from us for bothe sets stuff and props that we may need for any future shows. RESULT!!!

Subsequently Him rang his mother who has a sofa in her garage. (and doesn't want it back). Someone Him works with has told him that she has a sofa in her garage we can have. Oh yeah and two members of the cast have come up with possible solutions as well. Aaahhh!


Lyric of the Blog: "I was wandering along by the cars at the boot sale when seven lovely sofas came out of the van Ah ha ha. Bop shwaddy waddy bop bop swaddy waddy. And right behind these fine gorgeous sofas came seven other sofas that were tattered and torn Ah ha ha "
(With apologies to Mr ALW)

European Tour

Ok - I'm back ! For those of you who didn't know, Ralph the MG Roadster and I set off on Thursday 24th May, bound for The Italian Lakes and 2092 miles later, we're home again!!!!

We set off for Ashford and got the train to Calais then headed for Vittel, France (1 night), Grindenwald, Switzaland (2 nights), Lake Como, Italy (3 nights), Lake Garda, Italy (3 nights), Bregenz, Austria (1 night), via Germany to Vittel, France (1 night). Phew!

Things I learnt on this holiday, in no particular order ....

1). 6 people, 3 different maps, 3 sat navs, 3 walkie talkies and a route books does not make for a harmonious experience when trying to decide whether to go left, right or straight on.

2). When the tour rep has dinner with you in the evening in a beautifully green alpine ski resort restaurant(Grindenwald) when you are all out in short sleeved tops and open toed shoes and says "Isn't this place beautiful, I just can't picture what it would look like covered in snow" - DO NOT AGREE WITH HIM. When we woke up the next morning 19cm of snow had fallen.

3). When snow falls on Swiss mountain roads out of season - so do trees. Lots of them.

4). When snow falls out of season on a Swiss Bank Holiday - roads and trees don't get cleared.

5). Lake Como is nice and Lake Garda is nicer but photo's of Lake Como in the sun look better than Lake Garda in the rain.

6). Old people like lots of coffee stops. And then Petite Pois stops. Then more coffee stops.....

7). There are a lot of Alps in Europe. French, Swiss, Italian, Austrian and German. The they F'ing cold at the top on the passes and either wet or warm at the bottom. They ALL had snow on them. IN JUNE.

8). Buying a very large umbrella as a holiday souvenir to use is very, very sad.

9). Pine trees in pine forests smell fabulous. Pine scented candles always smell awful. Why ???

10a). Windburn from having the soft top down on the car hurts.
10b). Spraying factor 30 sunblock onto burnt skin brings tears to the eyes.
10c). Human beings have lots of layers of skin.

Broken promises

When you ask someone if something is definitely going to happen and they say yes, then you ask then whether there's any chance it might be postponed or cancelled or moved and they say no, you'd assume (perfectly reasonably I thought) that it's going ahead, no exceptions. Well, Monday morning an email arrives explaining that Cologne is postponed - TYPICAL!!!! The air was a little bit blue when I read it as you can imagine. For those of you who don't know I had to withdraw from the part of Vicky as I was told I would need to be in Cologne for work. The funny thing was that the email didn't come from the person who had stated categorically that it was going ahead - the coward... Add that to a two and a half hour wait at BMW to do a repair that should have taken an hour and that was my Monday morning - not a good start to the week me thinks. Anyway, enough of this, I'm boring myself now, on with the show...

We're starting our run throughs now and the "acting" side of things, so the demanding Director Demon was doing his slave-driving bit and working the cast really hard.
We took it from the top (as good luvvies do) and went through the first half of the script with me standing in for Vicky as she was doing her doggy thing (oo-er) and arrived later.
Producer Him sat and told everyone when they were in the wrong place at the wrong time from the blocking that we had worked on in the previous weeks with some adjustments from the cast when things felt wrong or Director Demon had changed something and forgotten to write it down... I actually got to watch the second run through and take notes, although it's early days yet and the cast are doing a very fine job. Inter-relationships are showing very nicely and word-learning is also going very well with lots of the cast going through their first few pages of script without looking at their books. Both Director Demon and myself are extremely pleased with the progress being made.

Things of note:
Guyman brought a large amount of sugar to keep everyone going, Vicky brought the best chocolate in the world - Lindt Lindor (it's like heaven for your gob), it is very difficult to write this blog without giving away the plot, we have another two week break in between rehearsals

Things I have learned from Monday's rehearsal
1. Producer Him is now paranoid about the size of his pencil case
2. One of the cast is getting married this year
3. Emma thinks she looks like a boy with her new hair cut
4. Producer Her is living in the loft (allegedly)
5. Two weeks till Boomer

Setman

It was all my fault - a lot of things are - but having sold Setman, his parents, sister and brother in law tickets to see the first two shows I was in with the group, back in 2000, Setman advised me that there was no way on this earth that he would EVER buy a ticket and set foot in CVH to watch panto. He hated them. The following sentence was to haunt him to this very day.

" If you need anyone to come and help build the set or do some painting for you, I'm free on Sundays. I'll give you a hand"...Two set builds later and he was signed up as Asst Stage Manager and was behind the scenes for eight of the nine panto performances. Seven years later he's built more sets and props than he would probably care to remember including working windmill, flashing steps, toilets with running water, ceilings on box sets etc and worked behind the scenes at almost every show.

He's also spent numerous weekends with me scouring car boot sales and charity shops for costumes and props. We'd meet up first thing on a Saturday or Sunday morning or both! and plan our route for the day around the venues. Sometimes coming home with absolutely nothing except sore feet, soaking wet or with sunburn having had junk overload. Or, we'd come home with the boot of the car stuffed full of useful junk which we'd bought for peanuts, only to see the relevant Director of the show either grin in sheer delight or bury their heads in their hands at our finds and how we would then adapt them for the stage.

I also had a running joke with him that he "really knew how to treat a girl well" and only ever took me to the very best (ha!) eating establishments. Usually the burger van or doughnut stall.

This week sees Setman, his Sister, brother in law and parents, 11 cars, the contents of 3 houses and 2 cats all moving - to Somerset - 3 hours away. Although he's only been a member of the group since 2000, we've actually known each other for 17 years and spent time together through MG Owners Club at events, club weekends away and group holidays both in the UK and abroad as well as Christmas's, New Year and 'family' birthdays.

Things will certainly not be the same and the fact that my "big brother" and best mate is now 3 hours away instead of 30 minutes will take a while to get used to.

Setman - your CAST family and friends wish you well in your new home.

What a scream!

I went, I saw, I screamed.....

Arrived at the medieval banquet venue with plenty of time to spare having spent ages getting my hair into something that looked vaguely medieval with thin plaits running round the sides of my head over the remainder of my hair. The directions to the venue left a lot to be desired and I had visions of having to walk into a local petrol station to get directions in full costume but worked out eventually that I'd been sent in entirely the wrong direction from the first roundabout and from then on it was easy.

I loitered with intent (well, barn actually) until the given time. The venue was amazing, a completely wooden barn with banner hanging from the rafters. Approx 75% of the guests were in full medieval garb, the rest in black tie. Maidens, Queens, Kings, Knights, Monks etc were everywhere.

The minstrels were hard at work entertaining the audience, although one rather miserable "Robin Hood" did look very sternly at them and told them not to play next to him whilst he was eating. Huh?

The ogre loitered out of sight, in full costume with menacing rubber role play weapon! whilst I hot-footed it into the venue screaming like a banshee. EVERYONE FELL SILENT!!! Unfortunately due to the excessive volume of alcohol consumed by this stage by the punters they were more interested in the chase and arm wrestling than my lines which I'd learnt - typical, but it was all good fun.

The Fiddle was very complimentary and reckons I have an exceptionally powerful pair of lungs.

Equally fun was the exceptionally tiny gypsy caravan at the side of the barn which 8 minstrels and performers were trying to get changed in once the disco was in full swing with high volumes of raucous laughter ensuing as we tried to get out of costume in a very tight space. Highly amusing and anyone outside would have wondered what on earth was going on!

Lyric of the Blog: " The Boars head in hand bear we, bedecked with bays and rosemary. And I pray you my masters, be merry, assembled in this company " Trad

Enough of medieval frivolity - back to Witches and Demons !.........

Dis Dressing Update

So here's the deal - I arrived at the rehearsal having fought my way down the M40 in the worst rainstorm I've EVER seen and having met the organiser, am introduced to a HUGE heap of costumes and given "mine". I think an adequate description at this point in time would be "medieval tent" although having seen some of the others in their clobber latter in the evening I think I'll fit in!

Girl will NOT be jealous. Not one bit. If only I was skinny enough to fit into the costumes she wore for Mort. A word to any potential wise Wardrobe Mistresses - Never put others into a costume that you would not be prepared to wear yourself :-)

Next to arrive was "The Ogre" (approx. 6' 7" at a guess) and we went through the lines we have. Yep. Not only do I have to run into a room of 150 people, screaming at the top of my voice. I have lines to learn as well. 24 lines and 48 hours to learn them in. Luckily they are in rhyme so now the whole of Langley on route to the railway station knows that I am "Elanor the Fair".

So now I know where (it's a medieval barn at Cox Green) when (be there at approx. 8:30) and what I've got to do (turn up in costume, find the ogre, who will be hiding so no one will see him in costume in advance of our "bit" and stay inconspicuous myself.

Then there's the singing. The minstrels are made up of instrumentalists from two folk groups who work both independently and together who will entertain the banqueters both before, during and after the meal. I have a solo bit in a song and an instrument to play as well.

Lyric of the Blog: " Bring us in more Ale, Boys. Bring us in more Ale"